Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Spiritual Journal Set #5



Entry A - Lectio Divina Exercise: Hebrews 5:7-8 (NKJV)
Who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear, though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.

            Everything happens according to the sovereignty of God and the will of God. God created the heavens and the universe and causes all things to achieve His mysterious purpose. I am fully convinced that all human beings, the only entities with the capacity of freewill, are subject to this divine mechanism; therefore, we ought to seek God and His will in order to satisfy the Creator as His creation.  Jesus, the Son of Man, perfectly exemplified what it means to fulfill the will of God.  Regardless of bearing the incredible weight of God's wrath towards the sins of man, He intensely wrestled with His humanity and finally surrendered it to the will of the Father who sent Him to the earth.  His prayer on Mount Gethsemane is rather remarkable: "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22:42).
            This beautiful and extremely delicate prayer of submission is my personal maxim that permeates my prayers. In addition, I have been a fervent believer of Romans 8:28 which says, "We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." I recently struggled with trusting in God's sovereignty and faithfulness, as one of my personal issues did not pan out according to my desirable plan.  I prayed a lot, especially Jesus' prayer I mentioned previously.  When the result was revealed to me, I immediately sought the peace of God and forced myself to believe that His will was done despite its unfavorableness. I believe God helped me with breathing and putting myself together for the next few hours, but later on, I started to wonder why God did not allow this to happen and what might have happened if my plan worked out.  I was devastated. It was extremely difficult for me to stop asking these questions and to not feed my disappointment.
            Eventually, I realized that I was angry with God and bitter towards God. This frustration began to take root in my heart and destroyed my joy and peace in Christ.  How can I ever get mad at my loving God?  I could not easily accept this reality of my heart. Then, I realized that I was missing something absolutely significant in my attitude --- Reverence for God.  In the given passage, it says God heard Jesus' prayer because of His godly fear not just because He is the Son of God. God requires such deep reverence that brings us to submission and obedience to His will just as Christ feared the Father. This absence of godly fear probably made my prayer ineffective and ultimately shook my faith intensely during the course of this hardship.

            Father, please restore godly reverence in me. Help me to understand the convoluted relationships between love and fear, mercy and justice, and mortality and eternity. You said, "Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." I desire to grow mature and wiser by grasping a great sense of reverence for you.  Also, please fill me with the Holy Spirit so that I may be in perfect union with Christ. Transform my will to Your will and my prayer to Your prayer. I wholeheartedly want to fulfill your purpose in me while I am here. Please do not let my selfish desires hinder your will by any means. I need your help. Have your mercy on me, Oh God.

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